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I have a part-time job now, a writing gig on the side, volunteer at the school, etc.... You get the idea. I absolutely have to get several tasks done tomorrow, other items on the list are not so dire. I was thinking of how I could rearrange my day in order to guarantee I could get the most important tasks off my list. There was only one way I could achieve this goal. Give up my one hour training session with my son. Sure, I could miss one right? Not a big deal, I am not training for anything, right? I have another session scheduled later this week. It will be alright, it's just one.
Earlier today
My son handed me two 40 pound dumbbells. One in each hand he wanted me to step up and down from a riser he built, 28 inches , then lowered to 20 inches off the ground. I performed it about three times and thought some awful thoughts knowing I had to do 12. He was kidding me right? The weight was very uncomfortable , uncomfortable to keep hoisting up and down. My knees were hurting, I was breathing hard. He pointed out that the amount of weight I was carrying was very close to the amount of weight I had lost. It took a couple more times up and down for me to get it. I felt as if I was lugging my old self, my old body up and down that step. How the hell did I carry all that extra weight? Why did I carry that weight so long? Then it hit me.....
I was too busy in my past to take care of myself. I put everyone's needs before my own. Above my own. My mother taught me how to do that, really she did. As a child I watched her give and give to everyone but herself. She took care of everyone but herself. She thought that was what she was supposed to do. She was supposed to be a good wife and a good mother. At the expense of what though? Of being herself and living her life? I realized earlier in life than she did, that if you don't take care of yourself, you can't really take care of anyone else.
When you first say it, it sounds selfish. Well, it did to me. I started putting myself on my to do list. whether its a quick run in the morning or a bike, I find time to do it. Sometimes I multi-task, like getting groceries on the bike, or going to the bank and library. No matter what, I do not take myself off the list. I took myself off the list one time and it lasted years. Do not waste years of your life. Cancelling one training appointment would not have set me off into a downward spiral. However, it would have gone a against what I believe. I believe I am a better wife, mother, friend, and human because I take care of myself. There is no doubt about it.
